http://www.pinkspiderweb.net Title: One Wing Author: spider (pinkspider@pinkspiderweb.net) Archive: yes Mirror: yes Rating : for General Viewing ^^ Band: Luna Sea Pairing: JxInoran Warning: none ~0~ What can I do with only one wing? A single dragon wing, black and menacing. Evil. Useless. What else can I do but watch as you stand there, your dark braided tresses in perfect contrast with your pale skin, your creamy robes, your pristine white angel wings. Poised for flight. Blinding. *** "J?" You snap me out of my reverie. I think you are looking at me. But my vision is blurred. I tend to make these images up on my hundredth shot of scotch, or whatever this drink in front of me is. "Is something wrong?" "No," I mumble, focusing my attention on the tabletop. I blink. Lots of bottles. Did I drink all these? Probably Sugizo helped me with them. But I don't see him anywhere. "Ne, Junjun, let's go home, ok? We can take a cab together." You are suddenly so close I can feel your breath on my neck. I force myself to look directly at your face. You exude a bright white light, I have to squint at you or I will go blind. I rest my head on my arms. You are too close. I want you to disappear. If I count to a million, you will fly away. One... two... three... but I can't remember the rest. What comes after three? Five hundred? Eighty-one...? "One million," I say out loud. I lift my head back up. But you're still there. What can I do with only one wing? When I try to fly, I only fall. **** Shinya is beating at my head, a wild frenzied drum solo. I want to tell him to stop, but I have lost my voice. My head hurts, Shinya stop stop stop please. I wake up in a cold sweat. My head hurts like hell. It is dark, but I know I am in my bedroom. I don't remember how I got here. Did I get drunk? I don't remember. I don't care. But I know I should. I know I shouldn't drink. But I really don't care. I switch the lamp on, it casts a dull yellow light. I come face to face with the full-length mirror. And I see it. My single wing. My tattered, ugly black dragon wing. Leathery. Useless. I want to rip it off. But I can't. It's the only thing in common between us. No matter that yours is perfect. I hold on to this commonality desperately. It is the small bush I cling to, while hanging from a sheer cliff. I eventually lose everything, whether I hold on or let go. But I cannot fly with only one wing. If I don't let go, I will only drag you down. "J, are you awake?" I hear your voice, accompanied by a soft hesitant knock on my bedroom door. What are you doing here? It hurts so much to see you. No, don't come in. Don't come any closer. I don't want to see your glaringly bright wings! Why are you torturing me like this? Go away, I never want to see you! I turn my back, but I catch your reflection on the mirror. You look shocked, and sad. Too late I realize that I have said that last statement aloud. "Please tell me what's bothering you, Junjun. did I do something wrong?" I stay silent, hypnotized by the perfect feathers on your wings. So soft. I reach out my hand to touch them, but I touch only glass. "You agreed with them, didn't you? That we'd all be better off going separate ways? You were the ones who decided to disband. Now it's over. Why are you still pretending to have ties with me?" I say. I hear a note of resentment in my voice. Which is good. I don't want you to hear my grief, my despair. A soft whimper. Why are you crying? Your tears anger me. I want to lash out and rip your angel wings to shreds. I strike out at your wings, the mirror breaks. I claw at the glittering fragments. I watch each of your perfect white feathers get stained with blood. Dragon's blood. My blood. *** I am in a crumpled heap on the floor. My hands still clutch at glass shards, now caked with dark blood. My single wing covers half of my body. The other half is naked, exposed to the elements. Both halves feel cold. Am I crying? The inside of my wing brushes my cheek. Smooth. Lonely. "Why do I have only one wing?" I exhale with a soft sigh, "I wish I had perfect angel wings like yours, so I can fly with you." I hear muffled footsteps approach me, and the sound of glass being crushed underfoot. From the corner of my eye I see a flash of white. You're still here. I stare at my bloodied hands. "Ne, J. how can you think that I don't want to be with you anymore? I've been with you before Luna Sea, I'll be with you after..." You walk over and put your arms around me. What are you doing? Why are you holding me like this? Aren't you disgusted with my filthy black wing? How can you touch me? I try to push you away. But you're either stronger than I always assumed, or I am weak. "I-I tried to fly with you, Ino. I tried to fly with my one wing. But I always crash." I sweep the glass fragments away, I don't want to see your wings. I glare at the fresh cuts on my hands. Blood. Tears. I want to hit my head on the wall. But I can't escape from your embrace. "Let me go!" I push at you, violently. "J." "You're not strong enough to support the two of us! I don't want to drag you down with me." I am suddenly cold again. You take your arms away, as if burned. I hear you walk away. As I listen to your quiet sobs, I know I have lost you forever. Silence. I close my eyes, wait for you to leave. But you don't. I feel you staring at my back. Are you looking at my wing? I want to disappear. "Ne, Junjun..... What do I need two wings for, if I can't fly with you?" Your statement stuns. I open my eyes slowly. And I see. Discarded amid the broken fragments of glass. A single white angel wing. *** Why are they happy, those two single-winged angels? Because. only when they are together, are they able to fly. ~0~ There. Feel free to blame Xenogears for this one. I know I said I'd write a non-LS fic next. Oh well. I tried the plot out on Hyde and Sakura, but it didn't work out. Thanks for reading. spider.