http://www.pinkspiderweb.net Title: Kuyashinaki Author: spider (pinkspider@pinkspiderweb.net) Archive: yes Mirror: yes Rating : for General Viewing ^^ Band: Luna Sea Pairing: SugixRyu Warning: none Comments: hi. this is the first ever fiction i ever wrote (not counting the ones i was forced to do in class ^^"), so please be gentle. it might be a bit confusing. and maybe a little cheezy *sweatdrop* sorry, this hasn't been beta-read (i couldn't find anyone). c&c's highly appreciated. thanks for reading! ~0~ | Monkichi Opening Public Journal. Please wait... Welcome to Monkichi's Public Journal. 007 Entries. To begin reading, click view. To add entry, click edit (password required). ~~~~~~~~~~ The slender man stared for a long time at the screen. He had just gotten out of the shower, his hair was dripping, tracing wet lines down his naked upper body, gathering in wet pools on his plush carpeting. His phone had been ringing for a while. But he noticed nothing. Still numbly staring at the screen, he clicked. View. ~~~~~~~~~~ ::MONKICHI 001> What the fuck do I do with a public journal?:: Date> hidden Mood> high I'm not telling anyone that I signed up for this crap. He winked at me this morning. What a flirt. Doesn't he know the effect on me? But we're just friends. At least, that's how he sees it. Do I tell him how I feel? ::MONKICHI 001 END:: ::MONKICHI 002> Desire.:: Date> July 1996 Mood> hot I don't know why I agreed to this. It started out as a dare in some bar. When it was time for Desire I felt so nervous, and excited too. I wanted the kiss to last longer. Afterwards, he looked embarrassed, but also devious. I might have had the same expression on my face. God, I want him so much. Do we have to do this on every leg of this tour? ::MONKICHI 002 END:: ::MONKICHI 003> I feel like hell.:: Date> hidden Mood> crushed Hello, journal. It's been some time since I last wrote on you. You may be wondering why I'm writing now. Just finished the live tour yesterday, had a little party to celebrate. He got blasted drunk (I did too) and started coming on to me. I don't remember how we finally ended up in my room, in bed. But I remember everything that happened after. He was great, I wanted to cry and smile at the same time. I will never forget. It was magic. But I am not writing because of that. I am writing because this morning, I woke up to empty cold sheets. He just left. I saw him at the lobby, hanging out. He slapped me lightly on the back and gave me his sunshine smile, which made my knees go weak. And then he started flirting with the new girl on the staff. I wanted to die. ::MONKICHI 003 END:: ~~~~~~~~~~ 'Fuck, leave me alone,' he thought, as the persistent ringing of the phone snapped him out of his reverie. "Moshi moshi..." "Sugi? It's J. What are you still doing there, man? You'll be late!" "...." "Sugi?" "Yeah, I'll be there. I'm almost ready." "Hurry." "Unh." ~~~~~~~~~~ ::MONKICHI 004> :: Date> hidden Mood> I can't go through with this anymore. I feel more dead everyday. But I love him so much, how can I just end this? When he spends the night with me, I always fall into my deluded fantasy that he loves me back. But on sane moments, when he has already left me to date another nameless faceless girl, I know that he will never love me in the same way. How does he see me, I wonder? What does he think I feel? Does he think I enjoy this... this casual sleeping around? 'Call me when you're feeling horny, you know I'll always oblige.' I hate myself. Oh, I just remembered I have a date tonight. Another one of my pretties. I have to keep up with appearances. Even if all I really want to spend time with is him. ::MONKICHI 004 END:: ~~~~~~~~~~ Sugizo stared at the clear drops of liquid falling steadily on the keyboard. His hand absently went up to his hair, which is already semi-dry. 'Shit, I'll have to style this before it sets like this,' he says to himself, walking over to the full-length mirror at the far end of the room. Peering into it, he saw tears flowing from his eyes. 'Am I crying?' Absently running a brush through his hair, he moved back to the flickering screen. ~~~~~~~~~~ ::MONKICHI 005> Going solo:: Date> November 1999 Mood> hopeless After several years, I remember I have a journal. Why do I only write here when I feel bad? But it's better than drowning myself in alcohol. A futile attempt at temporary lucidity: I know I'll find myself in the bar later. I have had a long respite from him, since we've both been working hard on our solo careers for the past months. I missed him, his funny quips, his boundless energy, his soft kisses. Some days I think I had weaned myself off him. Everyday I know I'm still in love him. J and Ino called for a meeting to discuss the band's future. I saw him again. Is it possible to fall further, when I have already fallen so hopelessly? He takes me aside after the guys leave. 'I have something to tell you,' he says, 'you'll never believe it.' My heart thumps wildly. I feel so important, being singled out by him in this way. 'I've gotten engaged.' I told him how great this news was, along with a million other lies. ::MONKICHI 005 END:: ~~~~~~~~~~ "Fuck!" Sugizo jumped out of his seat, remembering where he was supposed to be going today. He ran off to the bathroom to wash the streaks from his face, grabbed the formal suit from his cabinet, and started dressing. Fixing up his tie, his gaze went back to the words on the screen. The phone started ringing once again. ~~~~~~~~~~ ::MONKICHI 006> ...:: Date> November 2000 Mood> frustrated I am always angry lately. At even the very small things. My anger has rubbed off on everyone. Nobody understands why this has happened to us. J is right, maybe we really have drifted apart, maybe our goals are not the same anymore. Everyone agrees with his decision to disband. I have a feeling that they are blaming the two of us, though. Because the band's troubles started when we began to not get along. I was angry, he got defensive. We never talked to each other anymore, except sarcastically. ::MONKICHI 006 END:: ::MONKICHI 007> I will do anything for you.:: Date> December 2000 Mood> sorry We talked after the live. He said he did not want to lose me, his best friend in all the world. We hugged. I cried. I said I was sorry. He said he was, too. He said he was getting married next year. He asked me to be his best man. ::MONKICHI 007 END:: ~~~~~~~~~~ "Moshi mo--" "WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HOME, MOTHERFUCKER????!!!!!!" "Uh, hello J. I was just leaving." "You better get your ass here RIGHT NOW." "OK." "It's not like we can start without you, you know?!" "Yes, I'm going already, J. I'm really sorry." "Hurry up! And don't forget the ring!" ~~~~~~~~~~ Welcome to Monkichi's Public Journal. 007 Entries. To begin reading, click view. To add entry, click edit (password required). ~~~~~~~~~~ Sugizo was all ready. But he couldn't get himself to leave. Tears threatening to spill anew, he clicked. Edit. ~~~~~~~~~~ | iluvryu1 Welcome to your Public Journal, Monkichi! You may now add another entry. ::MONKICHI 008> The funniest joke in the world:: Date> December 2001 Mood> regret We gave him a stag party last night, to mark the last day of his bachelorhood. He got drunk, as expected. 'I really need to talk to you,' he said, his words slurring. We walked to the garden at the back of his house. The stars were very beautiful, he was very beautiful, I wanted the night to last forever. 'I need to confess something. This is really hard so please don't say anything until I've finished, OK?' I nodded silently. '....I... I love you, Sugi. All those times we spent together were very special for me. I never told you because I didn't want to back you into a corner. I know you hardly intend for a serious relationship between us. I... I just thought I'd tell you now. For closure.' I couldn't speak. I had turned mute. I ran away from him. 'Sugi, please don't hate me....' But I couldn't look back. So now he's getting married. I want to turn back time. But I can't. ::MONKICHI 008 END:: Welcome to Monkichi's Public Journal. 008 Entries. To begin reading, click view. To add entry, click edit (password required). ~0~ that's it. spider